Spies!

This is awesome!

If you haven’t heard, the cold war is back baby! We just arrested ten people charged with being deep cover Russian intelligence agents. These guys were the real deal cliché kind of spies also. Check out what they’ve been caught doing and tell me this doesn’t sound like a group of bad guys from a bad spy movie.



1. Using identities of dead Americans and posing as married couples.
2. Having higher up agents bury money for funding their operations in a bag in a park so that the others could later dig it up and use it.
3. They traded messages in wireless laptops with only direct links to each other, money drops, exchanges of bags, and even invisible ink!
4. Have a van drive by each of their residences almost daily to send wireless transmissions of their orders.

Some were even from New York. Just sitting in the shadow of our skyline, hating freedom, and still angry about the space race. The transmission our government intercepted from these fools is this:

""Your education, bank accounts, car, house, etc. -- all these serve one goal: fulfill your main mission, i.e, to search and develop ties in policy making circles in U.S. and send intels (intelligence reports),"



With how ridiculous this all sounds I will no longer rule anything out. If yesterday you told me that spies of this caliber were in our nation I would have laughed at you. Now I believe Japan has ninjas hiding in my closet. I’m on board with the lunacy baby.

Russia refers to these agents as ‘long-term deep cover’ agents numerous times in the messages going back and forth that we have been being intercepted since 1990. Russia is SO terrible at trying to screw with us that not only have they not gathered anything useful in 20 years, we’ve also been watching them the whole time to build up an irrefutable case and having ourselves a good laugh. Go America!



After we arrested these idiots and called Russia out on their bullshit, their equivalent of a press secretary got all frowny faced and acted disheartened we set American-Russian relations back 50 years. If I could, Russia, I’d like to say a few words to you.

First off, none of us care about our countries relations with you. You are a country of prostitutes, mail order brides (which are now probably all just spies), and fat wanna-be mafia members. Secondly, we set relations back? You sent terrible and ridiculous spies to us! You lose, just admit it and go back to poisoning your reporters and journalists over there that disagree with the government. (They actually do that.)

U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

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